Thursday, January 30, 2014

Just ordinary

I came into this world rather uneventful; as if I made this entrance a thousand times before. Even my eyes are like old woman’s eyes, experienced and sans spark. Kind of like; I’ve seen it all already. And I do feel like I’m over a lot of things quite often, things I haven’t even tried. I just never had the need to be like everybody else. As a kid, my sense of style was always far off what was in the now and shopping for new jeans or new shoes was always a torture, both for me and my dad. He had this distinct honor of accompanying my little self shopping. That’s when I’ve first started noticing that I’m not like everyone else. Except I was and except I am. 

I guess most of us feel so different from everybody else. But that has to be due to the fact that we show just a fraction of us to the world. We keep our inner self safe behind the fence. It’s not locked in the house, but also not walking down the street. I believe in the importance of balance and think that it’s fine staying that way. It’s also nice to go out and meet other parts of us that are walking down the street. By other parts I do mean other people who are part of our world and life…Our little soul-mates who allows us to be fragile and are not condescending about it. Little soul-mates that just know

At the end of the day, the thing that makes us just like everybody else is in fact, this idea we have, that we’re just so different from the rest of humanity. We are ever so ordinary through this extraordinary belief. Sure, there are levels of ordinary up to extraordinary, but it’s still a common thread that binds us like beads on a necklace. Some beads are shinier than others, but only when you compare them to the other not-so-shiny ones. Without extremes, there are no extraordinary things. 

Just ordinary. 

Blue Mountain e-card

Monday, January 20, 2014


There was this great topic about simple life pleasures on the Amelie imdb page. Was. The topic was homage to Amelie’s customs to enjoy little things about and in life (video), with people posting their own little pleasures, and I’ve found it quite heart-warming. Naturally, I’ve bookmarked it so I could read it again when my soul was in a need for some quick pick-me-up. Unfortunately, that page is now gone with the wind. And so not fabulous. 

Amelie's simple pleasures

Around Christmas time, there are a lot of things that are like a nice, warm soup for my soul. Colorful Christmas lights, green color of the Christmas tree, house filled with fresh baked cookies scent, frozen bedroom window, warm and delicious food, family gathering to watch a movie together, Love actually, It’s a wonderful life, Harry Potter…

One of the most heart&soul-warming movies ever, for me is Howl’s moving castle. I’ve watched it 2 years ago on a New Year’s Day and it’s still fresh in my memory and very dear to me. Inspired by that experience, I was trying to find similar anime film but still haven’t found it. Not even one was in the same category as Howl’s - in my eyes. I don’t know what was the winning factor of this movie that made such an impact on me, but I guess it was the combination of several things that I cherish about Christmas time in general. 

I have this annoying thing that, when I really love something and cherish it beyond any normal extent, I’d rather keep it in my memory than watch/relive it all over again. I guess I’m kind of aware that prior experience is going to be too hard to match, so I’d rather live off its former glory. The same thing applies to my favorite shows or YouTube channels. I’ll save the video for some special occasion since NOW is not worthy of the epicness that this video contains. I’m not quite sure if that moment ever arises. I just get bored or fed up with it sitting on a shelf. I know Mr. Eckhart wouldn’t be very proud of me. I guess I have to remind myself that there is no moment like this one right here. And it is special no matter how non-special it may seem. 

Except I’m not really buying that in this case.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Building a ladder

Iyanla told me to tell the truth about where I am. To be honest; I’m a little lost. A little but just enough for it to feel like a lot. I think that when it comes to being lost, you either are or you are not. There is no place or need for adjectives. And if I’ve learnt anything from the movie Gravity, is that no matter how much or where you may be lost, at least you’re lost on Earth. How’s that for a Silver linings playbook

I guess I also have to admit that I’m still hoping for a miracle. And if there is one thing that I despise, it’s hope. The best thing is that I’m not even sure what that miracle would do for me…maybe that tells a little something about my lostness? 

Right now, I picture myself standing in a very deep well. So deep, light from up above never reaches me. I am pale and I am frail. I’ve decided to build myself a ladder. This ladder is being built by every single word that is being written by me right here. I can’t climb just yet, but at least I’ve started to look up.

Mike Mak Design

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Developing backbone

I've decided to save this day. I still have 33 minutes 'till that time is out and I've wasted just another one. 

I've came to a conclusion that if I was supposed to hibernate my life away, I would’ve been born into Ursidae family and not into Hominidae one. Lately all I am doing is wishing for things to be different. And I should’ve known better. And I do know it logically. And what do I have from knowing it? Nothing. I’m wasting my life away. And knowing that is just making me sink even deeper. It’s not helping me to find my footing and go and breathe with my full lung capacity. It’s shrinking me. My lungs have shrunk and my muscle tissue is trying desperately to hold onto my bones. 

The idea of me wasting my life is leaving me petrified. It’s tying chains over my legs and it’s anchoring me to my bed. I swear, I can’t breathe like I used to. But I can write. That I can do. So that is what I am going to do. Until this chains dissolve into thin air; back to where they’ve came from. Maybe I’m crazy, but I could swear that my breathing was just a little lighter for a second there.  

"... get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone." - John Tapene